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Random Island




  Random Island

  Random Island

  © Vivian Stuart, 1967

  © eBook in English: Jentas ehf. 2022

  ISBN: 978-9979-64-482-8

  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchase.

  All contracts and agreements regarding the work, editing, and layout are owned by Jentas ehf.

  ____

  For Ursula Bloom . . .

  finest of writers and best of friends

  CHAPTER ONE

  Troubles, they say—and quite correctly—never come singly. Mine have always come in threes with the result that, as soon as the first mishap has befallen me, I tend to wait fatalistically for the other two, aware that I am powerless to avoid them. While admittedly a fatalist I am not, I hasten to add, pessimistic or resigned to my fate and I don’t deliberately go looking for trouble. It’s rather that I seem to attract it and, just as some people are accident-prone, I’m right in the path of every disaster, large or small, that occurs anywhere in my vicinity.

  Possibly this was the real reason why I chose medicine as a career, although at the time, I remember, I told my father that I’d chosen it because I wanted to help suffering humanity . . . and he believed me or, at any rate, said he did. I had undoubtedly seen more than my share of human suffering in the course of a childhood spent, when not at a boarding school in Yorkshire, following my father, who was in the Colonial Service, from one far-flung corner of our diminishing Empire to another. We were very close, my father and I, understandably on my part, for he was all the family I had after my mother’s death, which took place when I was too young to remember anything about it or her, in a Japanese prison camp in Java during the war.

  As a child of less than a week old, I had been with both my parents on the upper reaches of the Rejang River in Sarawak, when the Japanese invasion forces made a landing in Borneo during the latter part of December, 1941. There were ten thousand of them and they met with little organised resistance, the speed of their advance taking everyone by surprise. My birth, which was two months premature, was almost certainly caused by the shock of the invasion and by the news that Kuching had fallen on Christmas Day. Equally certainly, I suppose, my untoward arrival cost my poor mother her life, since she was in no condition to join in the precipitate flight which was the only alternative to capture. But, conceiving it the lesser of two evils, fly she did, carried, for most of the way, by my father.

  I, of course, have no recollection of the nightmare journey, first by river boat and then by jungle tracks, on foot, across the mountains, but, by reason of my odd-sounding Christian name, I am a living memorial to those brave Europeans who made and survived it. Our departure having been too hurried to permit of my being christened before the journey began, a Dutch Calvinist missionary performed the brief ceremony, at my father’s request, while we were waiting at Samarinda for the promised rescue plane that was to take us to Batavia and, as everyone imagined, to safety. Because he so obviously intended it as a thank-offering for our deliverance, I never afterwards reproached Father for having called me Samarinda. I should, it is true, have been grateful for a less exotic name in addition, to serve as an alternative. Samarinda Lazenby is a pretty awful mouthful, but in the circumstances, I could no more blame my father for failing to think of this than I could blame him for the three and a half years I spent in a Japanese camp for civilian internees.

  My imprisonment did me little permanent harm—apart, that is to say, from the loss of my mother, which seems to matter much more now than it did at the time. My friends get round my strange Christian name by calling me Sami, and the fact that it was so unusual enabled my father to trace me with the minimum of delay when, at the end of the war, we were released, I from the camp at Batavia, he from a very much worse one outside Kuching. After seeing my mother and me on to the rescue plane, he had stayed in Sarawak, believing this to be his duty, but when the war was over, he transferred from the Sarawak Government Service to that of the Crown and was sent to Malaya, whither I accompanied him. As I say, we were very close, having only each other, and the life of a district officer is usually a lonely one, so Father kept me with him for as long as he could and did not send me, protesting, to England to be educated until I was nearly twelve. Even then, because I hated school and our separation so much, he always allowed me to join him for the holidays wherever he was. By the time I was seventeen I had flown all over the world, attracting trouble as a magnet attracts steel filings, and my G.C.E. passes at ‘O’ Level included three different Oriental languages, though I had to sit the English paper twice before I managed to scrape through with minimum marks.

  My medical studies presented, on the whole, fewer difficulties. For one thing, I was inspired by a missionary zeal and for another, my father, having been appointed Governor of the Polynesian Dependencies, decided to retire when he completed his term of office and came home just before I sat my Finals. His presence, combined with the knowledge that he had purchased the lease of a London flat, which I was to share with him, made even this greatly dreaded hurdle seem easy. I passed reasonably well, if not brilliantly, and to my own delighted surprise, won a minor award in surgery. This, although only a silver medal, meant that I was offered a junior house appointment at my training hospital and I seized upon the opportunity gratefully. Trouble had for once, it seemed, been averted, at least so far as my career was concerned, and the next two years were the happiest of my life.

  My Chief, Sir Robert Fraser, had no prejudice against women surgeons; he expected his housemen to work as hard as he did himself, but he gave us, in return, all the responsibility we were capable of taking, and he was a fine teacher. My first year over, he kept me on his firm and encouraged me to work for my Fellowship. I was happy in my professional life, happier still at home where, for the first time, I was able to enjoy my father’s companionship without the fear that we might be separated. He had an adequate pension; we lived well and, though officially resident at the hospital, I spent all my free time at the flat, kept house for him and acted as hostess when he entertained.

  Of course, I might have known it couldn’t last, but, fool that I was, I spoilt the last few months for both of us by falling in love. It was natural enough that I should, I suppose; I was nearly twenty-six and up till then, apart from a mild flirtation or two, had had my nose too hard to the grindstone to have time to take a serious interest in any man except my father. When I did fall, I fell hard, and the worst of it was that Father disapproved very strongly of my choice. Again, it was natural that he should—I can see that now, even if I failed to at the time—for they had nothing in common and didn’t begin to understand each other.

  Sean O’Connell was an Irish-American, a war correspondent for the New York Scene, cynical, hard-boiled and twelve years older than I was. He had been badly wounded in Vietnam and his paper had sent him to London to recuperate. He came to the hospital for dressings and injections and, as ill-luck would have it, I was duty house surgeon the day he first reported to Out-Patients. We talked, as I attended to him, and before he left he asked me to go out with him. He was tall, good-looking and attractive, his mind more deeply wounded than his body, and, as well as being conscious of his Irish charm, I felt sorry for him, sensing that after all he had gone through he needed sympathy and understanding. I didn’t, unfortunately, sense that the last thing he wanted was for me to take him seriously, but Father spotted this as soon as I brought Sean to the flat to introduce him. He tried to warn me and I misunderstood and resented his well-intentioned efforts, just as I misunderstood Sean’s apparently insatiable desire for my company and his sophisticated, demanding lovemaking.

  ‘He’s not for you, Samarinda,’ Father said. ‘Believe me, he’s not your type and he’s not in love with you.’

  ‘But he needs me,’ I protested. ‘Honestly he does. And I can help him, he’s told me so.’

  ‘Perhaps you can,’ my father conceded. ‘But at what cost to yourself? That’s what worries me, my dear. No doubt he does need you now, when he’s down and feeling sorry for himself. It won’t last. He’ll pick himself up and recover his self-confidence and then it will all be over, so far as you’re concerned. He’ll go back to the States or to Vietnam and that will be the last you’ll see or hear of him. He’ll break your heart, if you let him, child . . . because there’s no future in it and he’s not thinking in terms of a future. A man like Sean O’Connell doesn’t want to be tied.’

  I had no answer to any of Father’s contentions. In my heart, I think I knew that he was right. Sean had been married, I knew, and it had broken up. He had been divorced for six or seven years and he hadn’t any intention of being ‘caught’ again, he had once told me; certainly he hadn’t mentioned marriage to me. He did, when I tried to take my father’s advice and put an end to our relationship and, like the idiotic, trusting innocent I was, I believed he meant it.

  I accepted his casual proposal and having done so, quarrelled with my father for the first time in my life, so bitterly that I stopped going to the flat and didn’t see or speak to him, except on the telephone, for over a month. I had just passed Part One of my Fellowship and, in order to prepare for the very much harder second part, ought to have put in e
very spare moment I had with my books. In the belief that this was my intention, Sir Robert Fraser relieved me of several of my normal ward and clinic duties and I neglected the rest, so that I could be with Sean. In his company, of course, I never opened a book—I shouldn’t have been able to make sense of it if I had, and anyway there was never time.

  It’s an old, oft-repeated story; the original cautionary tale, I suppose, and it only seems new if you are taking part in it. The end is as inevitable as the beginning, but if you are cast as one of the characters, you play your part right through to the bitter, foreseeable end like a drug addict who, aware of what his addiction is doing to him, yet continues to indulge himself and lives in a world of fantasy. I had noticed a change in Sean, but because I did not want to admit I had, even to myself, I refused to recognise that, as Father had warned me he would, Sean was regaining his self-confidence. He was picking himself up, becoming his normal arrogant, egocentric self, losing his need of me and, in the process, being transformed into a stranger. He probably arranged his own recall to New York, I don’t know, but it came very suddenly in the form of a lengthy cable and barely allowed him time to pack.

  ‘It’s a great chance, Sami . . . the kind of job I’ve always wanted,’ he told me, while leaving me uncertain as to the precise nature of the job he had been invited to accept. ‘So I can’t pass it up, can I? You wouldn’t want me to, I’m sure, seeing what it will mean to me . . . to us both. I’ll write, honey, just as soon as I get myself settled, and we’ll figure out how you’re to join me and when. But there’s no hurry, is there? I mean, if you’re to sit for that Fellowship of yours, as I guess you want to, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I stood in your way. We’ve got to be sensible, figure everything out and not let ourselves go off half-cocked. But right now’—looking at his watch —‘I’ve got just two hours to catch my airplane, you know that? And this apartment is in a mess! Help me clear up, will you, and then come and see me off. You are coming with me to the airport, aren’t you?’

  I went with him to the airport, numb with misery. His farewell kiss was affectionate but absent-minded, as if he’d already half forgotten me. But he repeated his promise to write. He kept it, too, only his letter did little to assuage my misery and was very short. The job in New York hadn’t come up to his expectations, after all, so he was going back to Vietnam, despite his ‘beefing about the goddam place,’ he was going back because the terms he had been offered were too good to miss. He hoped I would understand, though he guessed I might not feel like waiting for him, and if I didn’t, then he would understand and not hold me to any promises I had made. It had been wonderful knowing me; we had had a great time together, hadn’t we, and there need be no regrets and no hard feelings. Certainly there were none at all on his side, he assured me. The letter ended with his sending ‘all his love’ to me and his ‘most cordial good wishes’ to my father. I read it through twice, feeling anger rise in my throat, and then, my hands shaking so much that I almost let the thin sheet of airmail paper slip from them, I held a match to it and watched it burn to a little heap of charred ash, anger succeeded by self-pity and pain. Sean didn’t write again and I didn’t reply to his letter or, at any rate, didn’t post any of the replies I had composed in the first throes of grief and disillusionment, since I was ashamed of the emotions they betrayed.

  I was also too much ashamed of the way I had treated him to make contact with my father right away. When I finally swallowed my pride sufficiently to ring him up, he neither asked questions nor reproached me but simply suggested that we might dine together. I called at the flat to pick him up; we had a marvellous dinner at a Soho restaurant that specialises in Malayan curries, and Father, who was in great form, refused even to let me apologise until the meal was over. When the waiter brought our coffee, he ordered liqueurs and passed me his cigarette case.

  ‘O’Connell’s gone, I take it?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes. Back to Vietnam, to his old job. I . . .’ the words nearly choked me, but because I owed him that much at least, I was determined to get them out. ‘You were right about Sean, Father. Completely and . . . and humiliatingly right. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Thank God you’ve found that out at last!’ He picked up my liqueur glass and placed its stem between my fingers. ‘Drink up, child . . . this is by way of being a celebration, you know. And don’t be sorry—I’m not. To tell you the truth, I’d begun to fear I was wrong and that he was going to ask you to marry him, after all. I should have been very sorry indeed if you’d married him, Samarinda.’

  ‘There wasn’t much danger of that,’ I answered, with conscious bitterness. ‘He did ask me, but he didn’t mean it, he . . . oh, they were just words. I was idiotic to believe them. Don’t you want to say “I told you so,” Father? Because you did tell me.’

  ‘No. It wouldn’t afford me any satisfaction, my dear.’ He shook his head wearily and I realised, with a sense of acute shock, how old and ill he looked. He had always been lean and spare, his skin, after years of exposure to the tropical sun, deeply tanned, but now, I noticed, the tan had faded to a muddy pallor, disclosing lines about his mouth and eyes which had never been there before. And he had lost weight; his suit, one he had ordered less than a year ago, hung on him as if it had been tailored to fit someone else. His hair, too, which I had thought of for years as iron-grey, although still as profuse and strongly growing as that of a much younger man, was quite white.

  I wondered why I had failed to notice these changes in him sooner and my conscience pricked me. I had been too wrapped up in my own concerns, too conscious of my own emotional conflict, too full of self-pity to be aware of what had been staring me in the face all evening. And Father, of course, seeking to spare me further hurt, had gone out of his way to be have as if nothing was wrong. He had pretended to be in good form, had laughed and made all his favourite little jokes, so as to make me laugh and feel at ease during our meal, when all the time . . . tears stung at my eyes. Was it possible, I asked myself wretchedly, that I had caused such a change in him? Had our quarrel, which had been entirely of my making, upset him so much that it had made him ill? He had been anxious about me, on his own admission, but surely that . . . I put out my hand, reaching across the lamplit table in search of his, and as my fingers closed about his wrist, all my professional instincts were suddenly alerted. His pulse was rapid and shallow, his wrist so thin that the bones seemed almost as if they were protruding through the skin and the skin itself was burning hot and clammy to my touch.

  ‘Father, you’re not well, are you?’ It was more a statement of fact than a question and, to my relief, he didn’t deny it.

  ‘I have been a trifle off-colour lately,’ he admitted, and then forced a wry little smile, which clearly cost him an effort and failed dismally in its attempt to reassure me. ‘Probably a touch of my old malaria. These modern drugs help, but they don’t cure it, do they? As you know, I had my first dose of fever in the prison camp. The Japs hadn’t any mepacrine to waste on POWs, so mine wasn’t treated for years and that has made it harder to shake off. There’s no need for you to worry, my dear . . . although perhaps it might be as well if I called it a day now and went home.’ He signed to our waiter for the bill and added, as if it were an afterthought, ‘Are you coming with me?’

  I inclined my head, not trusting myself to speak. He had told me not to worry, but I was worried. I had seen malaria in all its forms too often not to be able to recognise it, and this wasn’t malaria. I was still too inexperienced a diagnostician to decide, without a thorough examination and laboratory tests, what in fact was wrong with him, but a terrible fear had taken root in my mind and would not be dispelled. I had to persuade Father to consult my Chief and to do so without delay, but I said nothing about this until we were back once more in the flat. When he was in bed, sipping at the whisky and hot water he had asked me to prepare for him, I sat down beside him and prepared for a lengthy argument, but to my surprise he agreed to all my suggestions without a demur. I think he knew, even then, although he did not say so; probably he had suspected for some time, but, as people do, had put off any attempt to confirm his suspicions from day to day.